I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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