I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
