he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you had me at cake vodka
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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