I wish I could punch you in the face.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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