How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
