Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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