Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
