well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
