i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
