Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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