your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
