how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
