good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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