Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
