Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
