i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
