wrigley field is MILF paradise
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
