so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
