i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
