I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
