You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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