She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
