you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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