I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
