Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
