I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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