she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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