I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Still dying that you shit outside
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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