Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
