9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
