Porn is love you can see.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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