Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
