RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
