Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
