wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Quick, to the slutcave!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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