at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
