I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
