he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
