after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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