he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
