Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
