this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
