im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
