So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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