My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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