My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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