Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
