sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
