So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
