The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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