i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
