Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
